Self Realization

I asked one saint,'Why do you live in penury? How you survive the absense of even fundamental necessities?'He replied,'I meditate and when I meditate I don't feel need for anything else'.I asked again,'But there must be sometime when you need money, like when your these bare-minimum clothes are torn, you would need money, that moment you live on the grace of others, your intellectual or sprititual self doesn't count for even a single penny to fetch a small piece of cloth'He replied,'I live naked, If my clothes are torn''What if you feel hungry and you don't have food''I will remain hungry''What if winters are at peak and no one donates you warm clothes nor even a blanket''I will remain as it is''But you will die''No I won't'.'What makes you think so?''Its my conviction, Its my faith that makes me feel, I can survive even worse disaster than this'.'Faith in What ? Is it the faith in God?''Yes, Faith in God that is faith in my own self''Is it possible to fight all the disaster with the shield of faith?''Yes, it is possible indeed unless your faith, your conviction is unwavered'I thought for a while and asked ,'why does faith gets wavered'.He said,'because we have many schools of thought'.He continued,' We don't follow our originality, We follow originalities of thousand and one pathformers, we follow conviction of others'I asked,'Thats true, we do that. Albeit we do that not because we cannot follow our own self but because their convictions seems right from our perspective, If I validate their convictions, their faith, their ideologies, then does it not sound reasonable to follow them?'He closed his eyes and then replied,'You are born unique, no one's paradigm befit you in entirety'I got puzzled,'You mean I shouldn't follow no one but then what should I follow'He said,'Follow yourself, Be the light unto yourself, Don't follow the torch-bearer because torch-bearer is following paradigm he has created for his own self, his paradigm is not the one meant for you, his paradigm is his own way of living and understanding things around himself, It is not meant for you, it is his, it is his personal asset, it is his personal treasure'I asked,'But How do I come to know, what should I follow'He said,'Its embedded in you, try to find out'I asked,'How ! Through meditation !'He said,'Meditation is just one channel, just another paradigm, it may befit X but it may not for Y'I asked,'Is it this, what is called self-realization?'He said,' Yes right, Finding paradigm for your own self is called self-realization and mind it, it is not related in any way with meditation, meditation is just one of the way'I asked,'What are other ways'He said,'There are thousand ways of reaching Delhi, That thousand and oneth way is yours, That hitherto uncharted way is yours, That nascent virgin way is yours, That unadulterated way is yours. If you follow any of the already explored, pre-defined way then you are killing yourself.'I asked,'But is it not more efficient to follow earlier thousand ways than to explore new one'He said,'Yes it is, There is no doubt about it. But when you are following other's ways. There are times when you feel your faith is wavering. There are times when you feel like disowning the faith, the way you have been following. And it is true because you have been following something which was not yours. You have been sleeping with somebody else's wife and calling her yours. You have been thinking someone else as your parents. They are not yours. They cannot be yours. Because yours are withing yourself not outside'.I asked,'So How shall I find it'He said,'Be nude'I asked,'What does that suppose to mean'He said,'Be nude, as if you are born right now. Be nude as if no parent has taught you how to wear clothes. Be nude, as if no society as imposed anything unto yourself. Be nude as if you haven't been baptised by no religion. Be nude, as if no schools have taught you maths and physics. Be nude, as if no one has taught you to talk and write.'I asked,'Will that help me in finding my paradigm, my way'He said,'It will help you in doing things in your own way. It will help you in traversing the jungle which were hitherto lit by many milestones set by earlier pathformers. It will resuscitate the originality within yourself. It will in bring in the spiritual freedom unto yourself. The absolute freedom is begining of this spiritual revolution that hasn't happened yet.'I asked,'But does this faith help you in surviving winters, I doubt'He said,'Thats your paradigm, the paradigm of suspicion. The paradigm of suspicion in my paradigm, my faith. But I have myself clear that I won't die.'I asked,'Lets see'.He said,'I am happy'I asked,'Why?'He said,'I am happy that you don't believe in my paradigm, may be it is beginning of your self-realization'I wondered, I din't say anything much. I just saw the bell ringing above my head. Few diyas lit distant and pierced utter stretch of darkness. I stood up and decided to go home. Few steps ahead there was nothing I could look, it was complete dark. No moon, No light. Absolute black. I couldn't see much. But my eyes could see various shapes embedded in darkness. They were something wavy and varigated. I thought only I could see that. But Once my friend said, He also could see such varigated shapes in utter darkness. But one thing I was sure, It was not the same. It was not the same shapes that we both saw. It was our own personalized treasure. No two eyes saw them same. It was original as much as our paradigm, the hidden unconscious paradigm. I closed my eyes and opened again and made my way faster towards home.